Four Stories of Sadness

Today's photo is brought to you by Opie.

Yes, the Goodwill Outlet store. Why pay $2 for a baseball bat, $5 for a hoodie or $3 for a toaster? Come on down to the Goodwill Outlet where prices are slashed.

We’ve got vacuum cleaners for $.75. DVDs for $.05. Buy one VHS copy of Left Behind for $.01 get a copy of Jerry Macguire or My Best Friend’s Wedding for free.

*Goodwill not responsible for food poisoning, electric shock, dismemberment, death, tetanus or any skin rash that may result in the purchase of our products.

Somewhere, In a Far Off Galaxy…

 

Hay there?

Judith Campbell is an astronaut whose ship went missing in the early 80s. In 2005 she returned to Earth in a vessel that no one could identify. She claimed to have traveled into the distant future to a place where horses had evolved into an intelligent race. Palominos were the ruling class, Clydesdales comprised the working class and Shetlands were the circus freaks. Humans were tied up to carts and forced pull them by being whipped. The World of Horses is the story of Campbell’s heroic adventure. The book will, in 10 years, reignite the American interest in space travel, driven mostly by girls currently age 7 to 15 who now know that their wildest dreams are a reality that is only 2,430 light years away.

March Sadness

Probably not making the team in this shirt.

This is from Oshkosh-begosh’s brand new “Vaguely Aware” line. It’s designed for parents who are vaguely aware of things that kids are into these days. Are you vaguely aware of internets and motherboards? Buy your child the shirt with words “modem”, “RAM” and “geocities.” 

Are you vaguely aware that kids like sports and want your kid to fit in but have no allegiance to any specific team? This shirt is for you. Basketball specific terms like “2 points”, “slam dunk” and “defense” will show that your child is hip and in the know. Even though two of those three terms also apply to football. But the orange circle with the lines clearly indicate that this is a basketball playing kid. I’m not sure what the number 25 on the hip is about. Ignore the fact that this is a baseball tee. 

While you’re at it ignore the ass kicking your kid is getting for wearing this instead of a shirt with a real team on it.