Goblet of Liars

They’re all over her dress.

It’s time for What Good Will This Do? favorite: Silly Simile. That’s where we find an item with a cutesy saying that uses like or as and then put our own little twist on it, like with did with the snowflake figurine. This plastic goblet springing forth from a sassy housewife’s cranium bears the inscription “good friends are like stars, they brighten the way.” Let’s see how weird we can get.

Good friends are like stars,

They disappear during the day.
Most have been dead for centuries, we’re just too far away to know it.
They’re just spinning gas.
We make up stories to explain their shapes.
The Nazi’s used them to mark Jews.
The one’s closest to us are called the Milky Way.

See, wasn’t that wacky? Come up with your own and post them in the comments.

Insert Coin Pun Here

Leaving birthdays and Christmases in its wake.

According to the box, CoinStruction is the “fun way to make your money grow.” This is because CoinStruction is made by people who have no idea what constitutes fun. They are operating under the belief that kids enjoy saving change and using it to build models of ships, birds and what appears to be a cat with its stomach removed, rather than spending it on candy or at the arcade. (and I am operating under the belief that arcades still exist.) 

This “toy” shouldn’t exist but just because it does, that does not excuse the donor from not stopping the cycle. Besides, poor people shop at SalvationHumanityWill. Their children don’t have money. 

CoinStruction: the Legos that leave your fingers tasting like metal.

Triple Dick Score

Donor: Here you go.
Employee: Scrabble, cool. Where are the tiles?
Donor: Dunno. Just got the board.
Employee: …um, thanks I guess.
Donor: Yeah. Can I get a tax receipt?
*Blogger’s Note: I know that wasn’t very funny, but this is one of those donations that is so terrible I can’t think straight. I just want to curse. And that would have been less funny. People who don’t work at the Donation Location will think I’m being mean. My co-workers are reading this and wondering why I went so easy.*