Goblet of Liars

They’re all over her dress.

It’s time for What Good Will This Do? favorite: Silly Simile. That’s where we find an item with a cutesy saying that uses like or as and then put our own little twist on it, like with did with the snowflake figurine. This plastic goblet springing forth from a sassy housewife’s cranium bears the inscription “good friends are like stars, they brighten the way.” Let’s see how weird we can get.

Good friends are like stars,

They disappear during the day.
Most have been dead for centuries, we’re just too far away to know it.
They’re just spinning gas.
We make up stories to explain their shapes.
The Nazi’s used them to mark Jews.
The one’s closest to us are called the Milky Way.

See, wasn’t that wacky? Come up with your own and post them in the comments.

The Most Dangerous Game

I’m gunna shoot all over that boy.

Yes, Daniel Boone, with his coonskin cap was a boy hunter. A hunter of boys. Tracking wild boys across the sweeping plains of the wild west. Mounting their heads in his game room. Laying their skins across the hearth in front of his fire place while making sweet love to Annie Oakley, heir to the Oakley sunglasses fortune. Where am I going with this?

Supporting the Cause

You can smell the victory.

Much like the coin purse that this jock strap previously held, this picture is a bit fuzzy. And for that we apologize. Moving on to business.No matter how many 3A high school state track and field championships your lucky jock won, it needs to be washed properly. Proper washing of clothes is step one to the donation process. Even then it will still be held between a Donation Location employees thumb and pointer finger while she emits a low eeeeeeew and throws it away. Because it’s a jock strap. Blech.

Where the Trouble Begins

Look at ’em. Just sitting there.

Here we have the origins, the building blocks of all Donation Location book sections: the grocery store book aisle. This is where people go to see what the Dean Koontzes, the Nora Robertses, the Janet Evanoviches and the Dick Francises of the world have been up to in the past month. It is a scientific fact that 85% of the books in this photo will and some point be on the shelves of a Salvation Will for Humanity. What we don’t know is, are the books actually purchased from the grocery store and then donated after being read. Or do grocery stores simply dump them outside of the nearest donation location when the next month’s shipment arrives.